I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
