im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
PANTIES FOUND
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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