i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
