i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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