he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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