Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
