Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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