I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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