I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
