This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
