Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
