what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
