I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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