If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
