I wish I could teleport
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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