if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
