I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
