I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
