yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
