we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
