I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize