I heard we made out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
