Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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