i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
