What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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