oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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