I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
