I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
