Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
