PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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