She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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