exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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