and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize