she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
