there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
