yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
