Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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