It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
