you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
