Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
