guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize