So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
