her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
