just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
