He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize