then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
