I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Randomize
