He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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