dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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