Whod you bang
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
