I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
