So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
