Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
