i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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