I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
