You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
