Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
