i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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