I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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