i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
