ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
