Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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