can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize