Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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