what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize