Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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