Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
