she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
