Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
