i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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