Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
