apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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