Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
