at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
