Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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