Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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